Outlook

I did a bit of research yesterday. Apparently one of the drugs used to treat MS is called Betaseron. It’s taken by injection, at home, every other day. That sounds like a blast.

I admit I’m making an assumption here. I don’t have a diagnosis yet. I haven’t even seen the neurologist yet. This could be many things other than MS. But as I like to say, “hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” And MS is about as bad as this could be. To be fair, though, that philosophy may just be my own rationalization for being a pessimist.

Regardless, I’ve decided to do as much research as I can on MS. As it turns out, my prognosis (assuming that’s what this is, of course) would most likely be pretty good. More than 50% of people diagnosed with MS have what is called a Relapsing-Remitting Course. This means periods of attacks (relapses) followed by long normal periods (remissions). Most people with MS have normal life spans. Few become permanently physically disabled. Treatments are effective at this time, though there is no cure.

Right now two things bother me most (as far as symptoms go). First is the fatigue. I feel worn out by the time I get to work in the morning. I have to run around a bit this morning, coming to work then going back out to take a drug screening as part of pre-employment (I’m transitioning from a temp to a full employee here), then coming back to work. I feel like I need to sleep for a week.
Second, and even more troubling, are the mental issues I’ve been having. I take Ambien at night for unrelated sleep problems. The thing about Ambien is that it doesn’t make you sleepy, like most sleep aids, but instead it just quiets the brain down. After I take it, as it’s starting to kick in, I go through a period where my brain seems to be disconnected from my mouth. I can think clearly and even write, but getting my thoughts out verbally is difficult and taxing. That’s how I feel right now, only without the Ambien. Add to that the fact that trying to concentrate on anything is very hard. It’s more than a bit disconcerting.

I think that’s what scares me the most – the idea that my brain might stop working properly. My brain and all the little quirks it has and the weird (usually in a good way) way that it works – that’s what makes me me. If that changes, then who am I?

Most of my face is dull now, along with the usual suspects (my left arm and leg and hand). I also think that maybe my sense of taste has become a bit less acute. I ate some potato chips yesterday; some Pringles Sour Cream and Onion, and I didn’t taste much except some vague saltiness.

There was something else I wanted to talk about but now I can’t remember…