The beginning?

I'm not really sure where to start. I'm not even sure if this is the start of something. It could be nothing. But I felt the urge to get my thoughts and feelings onto "paper" as I go. For what reason, I am not sure. Maybe to help me to get my thoughts in order. Maybe so that someday I can look back at this and laugh at how worried I was at what turned out to be nothing. Maybe so someone else can read this someday and realize that others have gone through the same thing.

But for whatever reason, and whatever this all turns out to be, I am here.

It is Thursday morning, May 8, 2008.

Six days ago, on Friday, I passed out.

My wife, Liz, and I had stayed at my parents' house the night before. I woke up early that morning, maybe around 5, with a headache of epic proportions. I laid there for a while, hoping it would go away, but with no luck.

Around 6:30 I got up and immediately regretted it. I went all light-headed and dizzy, and felt violently sick to my stomach. Ignoring it all (or at least trying) I got dressed. I went into the bathroom to start cleaning up for the work day...

...and then there were half a dozen EMTs standing over me. One was roughly rubbing his knuckles on my breast bone, testing my pain response (I still have the bruises from that!) and another was waving an ammonia capsule under my nose. I came around, sort of. I was still feeling pretty out of it, but they managed to walk me to their rig. It also turned out that I'd whacked my head a good one on either the toilet or shower as I fell. One stuck an IV in my hand and we were off to the hospital. Fortunately my parents live less than a mile from the nearest one, so it didn't take long at all.

An assortment of drugs were pushed into my IV and I was sent for a head CT, which came back normal. Blood was drawn, and all those tests came back normal. Another drug was pushed into my IV, and I was out for a few hours. They sent me home with an order to follow up with my family doctor. I was still dopey from the drugs when we got back to my parents' place, and I ended up sleeping most of the rest of the day.

Over the weekend I felt a bit better, though not great. Liz and I even went to the local Petsmart (a nearby animal shelter was having an event there and we ended up putting in an application for a kitten - like we need another one - which we are picking up this evening).

Monday rolled around and I started feeling a bit bad again. It got worse as the day went - lots of severe, stabbing pain behind the left eye. The dizziness wasn't as bad and the nausea was almost non-existent. I decided to let it go, since I had an appointment with my doctor the next day.

Tuesday was pretty much the same. I went to the doctor. He reviewed my results from the ER's tests and checked me out. He diagnosed a spasm of the muscle behind the left eye and prescribed some muscle relaxants. But just to be safe, he scheduled me for an MRI and an appointment with a neurologist. That all seemed reasonable to me, so I went home and rested the rest of the day.

On Wednesday I went to work feeling not too bad, but late in the morning the pain returned with some new, disturbing symptoms. I had some numbness on the left side of my face, my left shoulder, and left hand. It was difficult to type. I finally told my boss I needed to go. I talked to Liz and we decided to go back to the ER.

But as we drove we second-guessed ourselves and decided that I just needed rest and instead of going back to the ER, I went back to my parents' place (dad was there) and Liz went back to work.

Again, I slept for a good chunk of the afternoon, but when I work up there was no change in my symptoms - still slightly numb and tingly.

In the meantime, Liz had been talking with one of our friends who is in medical school. He prodded her into taking me to the ER, and I agreed.

So she came and got me and back off to the ER we went.

The place was packed. This ER in particular is usually very busy, but last night seemed even more so. After signing in we sat and waited to see the triage nurse. Half an hour later I told Liz that I was fine and maybe we should just go home. She talked me in to giving them an hour to see the nurse, and then we'd go and rest.

About five minutes later they called me. The nurse did the usual - blood pressure, temperature, pulse (I do have one), etc., and then settled into asking me some questions. We went through them quickly (I have, unfortunately, had much experience with ER visits), and then she started asking me to do some simple tasks - things like holding both hands in front of me, palms up, and closing my eyes. This one she repeated three times, then told me to have a seat and they'd call me soon.

No sooner had I left her station when she called me back and asked me to do the test again. I asked Liz about this later and it turned out that, unknown to me, my left arm was drifting slightly and shaking.

Again, the nurse told me to have a seat and they'd get to me soon.

Soon, even with as many people were there, was about five minutes later. And they didn't take me back through the normal route, but through a door at the back of the triage nurse's area, which lead right into an ER exam area.

Now I was worried.

A few minutes later I was moved to another exam area, and donned the obligatory, highly fashionable, green and white gown. At least it was a new one, so I guess that's something.

No sooner had I laid down than the registration person showed up. But before she could ask me anything, the nurse was in checking vitals and getting my story again. She left and the registration woman came back, and got me fully checked in. The doctor was in a very short time after that (another worrying thing, that the doctor himself saw me so quickly) and decided to order another CT. He said that a hematoma could sometimes not show up immediately and he wanted to make sure that looked okay.

So off to the CT I went. I got onto the table, positioned, and ... waited.

And waited.

I laid there for five minutes and nothing happened. I had been pretty out of it for my last CT, but I was fairly certain that the machine made noise.

The tech who had brought me in came out and apologized. Apparently, just as they'd been getting ready to start, they'd gotten a notice that the doctor had canceled my CT and wanted an MRI instead.

Oh boy.

When my family doctor had said he wanted me to go for an MRI, I had emphasized that I wanted an Open MRI. I'm a fairly large guy and, even though it was more than ten years since my last MRI, I still remembered how panic-inducingly cramped the machine was.

The doctor came in only a minute later and we talked about the MRI. He ordered an IV sedative for me and I finally relented.

The nurse came in and stuck the IV in, and the transport person came to ask me some preliminary questions before the MRI. I took off all the metal I had, which was my watch, my wedding band, and a ring that Liz gave me that I wear on a cord around my neck. I had Liz hold them.

Liz and I have been married only since April 12, less than a month at this point. I can't say that I never take off my band - I still find it distracting when I try to sleep - but all the same it felt a bit ominous to be taking off these symbols she had given me (the ring around my neck was her grandmother's wedding band, and it was what she gave me as a symbol of our engagement).

A minute later I was being wheeled to the other side of the hospital to where the MRI was. The two techs there explained what was going on, helped me put in some ear plugs, and rolled me into the machine.

Twenty minutes of loud banging later, they took me out and helped me back onto my bed, and I was back off to my ER room.

The sedative never did kick in.

Again, it was a short wait for the doctor.

So, if you've read this far and wondering just what the hell I'm going on about, here it is.

The doctor said that the MRI showed several tiny infarctions, and - more worryingly - some demylination.

Demylination is when the sheaths around the neurons are damaged. This is not a disease or condition in itself, but a symptom of several other possible conditions.

The most common one is Multiple Sclerosis.

It is possible that I have Multiple Sclerosis.

I'm waiting to hear back from my family doctor about the neurologist referral. That's the next step. I called my doctor's office this morning and made sure that the referral was coming through, and soon. They're supposed to call me back today.

We'll have to wait and see.